Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
