he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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