and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
