She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she told me i tasted like america
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
