dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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