We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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