I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
it was like eating out sand paper
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
