I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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