I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
