Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Text me some of your sweat
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
