he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
