I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
A bitchslap is in order.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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