I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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