Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
