is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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