My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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