My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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