i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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