can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
