dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
