I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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