my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
