You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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