I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
