Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
