six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
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