I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
