as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Vodka?
Forever.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
