All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
