There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
