it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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