If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
