Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
