i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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