I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
