I just cut my nipple shaving
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
