You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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