I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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