you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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