i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
