So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
