I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
