I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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