I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
