Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
