Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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