I can tuck mytits in my pants
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
