Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
