I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
