I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
