Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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