In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
