I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
