apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
