Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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