I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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