She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
